Best Buy Media department, how can I help you...?

Missed an update in November, but it's not like anything interesting happened of course. All that happened was that I started working at Best Buy near the end of the month. Yup, I finally introduced myself to the wonderful world of retail...I've heard stories about some people who want to evade its everlasting grasp. At first, it didn't seem too bad, but now with only 2 actual weeks of working after my job training, it may not be the best place for personal growth.

For people that are looking for challenges, being the best they can be and all that good stuff, well, retail probably isn't the place to be. From my limited experience there, you don't really learn much of anything besides how the store operates. I'm working in the Media section, for example, and that includes movies, music, games, and other various appliances like microwaves and phones. But one necessarily doesn't need to know jack shit about any item. Product knowledge can be virtually non-existent and you could still accomplish most of the job if you know how the store operates. I am simplifying fair amount though; I would assume the computer guys would know the basic parts of a computer. But, going back to my scatter-brained train of thought...

If you didn't know what the basic features of a Playstation 3 are, for example, you'd simply ask a co-worker and maybe in the future, do a little research, maybe even just a Wikipedia article. I guess that would be one way of learning, of personal growth. Unfortunately, that's more or less the only way I see how one can further his or her knowledge of anything. Once you start getting experience with the computer system, where everything is placed in the store, et cetera, you don't get a lot of personal skill development out of it. All you get is the satisfaction of satisfying a customer. I'm sure helping people could be all that a person could be seeking in their ideal job, but for the more ambitious people, I'm sure there are ways to help others as well as yourself. Unless you think helping others helps yourself or whatnot...heh, I guess retail is just right for altruists.

Maybe retail is the perfect industry for unambitious slackers such as myself. It certainly doesn't make me tired compared to general labour, and even with substandard communication skills, I haven't felt any bad vibes or tremors from the customers I have dealt with so far. But I do agree it isn't too stimulating once you get deeper into it, or when it's a slow day. When business starts to pick up later on in the day, maybe you'll feel the pressure of having to multi-task between a couple of customers, but even then your actions to satisfy said customers will be somewhat routine. I think I'm still in the honeymoon phase of the retail job cycle or something, but I don't think I'll get super depressed or anything, heh. Work is still work, and I'm still a slacker last time I checked.

Now to vi-dee-ya games, of course. I feel like I should just stop playing anything that's remotely competitive and takes skill of any sort. Maybe it's just my frustration of failing at least 10 times on my Megaman Zero run in at least 7 different places in the game. Or maybe it's just getting a consistent last place ranking in the local Toronto Soulcalibur 4 tournies. Maybe it's just that I simply cannot play and adapt, only memorize a game in order to have any success at all. I guess runs are overrated, I was never good at fighting games, and while certain games do require a fair amount of memorization, most will definitely require some sort of improvisational skill. All of this together is an explanation of why I suck so much.

I don't want to give up, but I don't see where I'm going. After so many failed attempts at a 100 point run in MMZ, I just can't see myself doing that perfect run, finishing it once and for all. I don't see how I'll be able to perceive all that is happening during a SC4 match, having to interpret lots of information, come up with a solution on the spot, execute it without flaw in a very short duration, and repeat it multiple times for about 5 minutes. I wish I could just memorize it like a level in Megaman, but it doesn't work that way...

And I wanna play something new, dammit! Actually, I was looking at giving Front Mission: Gun Hazard a spin, especially with the lovely translation job that the awesome AGTP team completed a while back. Actually, I started playing Jericho on the 360. It seems to have a good atmosphere, and I find the voice acting is pretty good (the actor who voiced Scott Mitchell from GRAW!). It's a standard shooter I guess, but the abilities seem promising. Haven't gone too far into it, but I can say that the AI dies quite a lot. There was a level where I had to disable battery placements, for example. Only one character can destroy them, and you have to be controlling this character in order to do so. But even though it was designed like this, the AI should have been smarter in taking up better positions to avoid turret fire while still being able to attack the guards. Hopefully it's just a level design flaw.

Christmas is coming soon, and then my birthday shortly after. Although they say that the "youth is wasted on the young," I sure as hell don't want to get older...

Black 'n' Orange Day...No, screw that, it's Halloween!

Yay for writing my obligatory monthly journal entry, and what better time to do it before Halloween on midnight? Not that it'll give me any extra insight or profoundness into my view on life and my point of view. I guess I'm just trying to feel special when I'm not. And I don't feel it. But I do it anyway. Just like how I type incoherent sentence fragments. Makes me think I feel special. Like a unique and beautif...aw hell, let's end that.

Strangely, this year we aren't giving out candied delights and crunchy treats. I guess my parents have had enough, but at least my mom brought some goodies to the annual Halloween party they attend. Also out of place was how the Toronto District School Board made some changes on how this eerie day is viewed. According to this article, it's now referred to as Black and Orange Day. Why now, after all this time? Surely political correctness doesn't have to intervene with a day where kids get candy and have half an excuse to revel in chaotic egg tossing behaviour? Well, the article and comments already say what I'm thinking, and then some.

Time flys by when you're doing jack shit. I would know, heh. But at least I'm getting lots of piano practice. Although structured education on music theory and professional guidance would help greatly, I feel like I'm getting a little better. Playing a stream of eighth notes on the left handed bass clef, for example, was tricky but I seem to be able to pull it off somewhat decently. I'm not really studying 'properly' though. I'm trying to play game songs from a combination of ear and MIDI to sheet music conversions. Right now, I've got the Hometown of the Hero theme from Dragon Quest/Warrior 4 down, and I'm working on the Lufia town song and Cannonball from Megaman Zero 3.

After putting it off for so long out of fear and disinterest, I finally completed my 10 hours of practical driving lessons. I guess I'm a below average driver right now. I still fuck up turning (maybe I should learn push-pull) and turning in traffic is even worse. I won't be getting that G2 license anytime soon, but whatever. As long as I don't have it, no one can ask me to pick them up or anything. Even if driving's an essential skill for urban life, it only makes me appreciate mass transporation more so.

When it comes to gaming, I keep hitting plateaus early and can't seem to get any higher. One thing I keep asking myself is "do I want it that bad?" If I answer yes, does it show? When someone else wants to get somewhere out of their reach and is willing to risk everything necessary, it will definitely show. I'm afraid I'll never have that feeling, though. I know I lack passion, and that shows.

STGT 2008 is over. It looks like I made 21st place, and my team made 17th overall. Not bad, I guess. I tried to give it my all, and maybe until the 3rd week I put in as much time as I could. I slightly lost focus during the 4th week, and finally by the 5th I gave up (and played Mother 3/Earthbound 2 to boot!). Damn Cave game and its complex scoring system. On the 3rd week though, I put in 30 hours. I'm pretty sure I wanted to kick ass that week, but I only made less than 4 million on Rayforce, 10th place. I'm sure that 'dedication' wasn't noticed over the internet, but I can't say for sure whether I REALLY wanted it deep inside...

I'm still into Soulcalibur 4, haven't given up. But I sure as hell suck, placing last in 3 out of 4 local tournaments. There's another coming up this week, a team and singles tourney. I know I definitely don't want to be at the bottom, and I know that perhaps the top is simply out of my grasp. But how much am I going to do just to stay in the middle? Will I memorize frame data? Pick up a higher tiered character? Or am I content enough to just let go and stay at the bottom, like I did with STGT? Hell if I can figure it out now, but maybe I can get the answer during the next tourney. Although everything feels like a blur when it's my turn to play a match, that's probably the best time to learn and figure out an answer.

On the playing field (moved my fat feet, now hip deep in snow)

Guess I'll keep this one short, or at least I think I will. Heh, it's doesn't feel like there's a lot on my mind, but even then I might take forever to describe what I'm thinking. Maybe I can practise being more concise with fewer words. Well, let's see.

As a change of pace, I'll just start with video game related stuff right off the bat. Probably the most significant recent event in this aspect of my life would be rejoining the ranks of the Toronto Soulcalibur community. Yeah, I realized my departure from SC3 was part spite, low skill (with a lower tier character no less!), and being pissed at my friend. But spite wears off, skill can be built, and I've gotten used to being irritated by my friend's antics. So, with that, I'm playing SC4 now. And Raphael doesn't suck as much as I remember from SC3, so I guess that helps my low skill level. One method that I'm trying to execute is learning the basics of all the characters. I'll start by compiling all the data I can read on the forums, then try them out in training mode for a length of time...

Megaman Zero 100 point hard mode run? Failing hardcore. At least I can do a run that gets 96+ points on every level, which is what I consider a 'true' S rank run. I guess with that definition, a 'false' S rank run is just a run with an average of 96 points across all the levels. I guess I'll pop up my recent run on Youtube and hopefully use that as a motivator to get that coveted triple-digit average.

Shooting Game Tournament 2008! I'm a part of Team Free Agents. The other Team Free Agents (2) switched their name, so I asked the team if we could just drop the number from our name and they agreed. Our team is obviously not a force in STGT08, but I'm doing suprisingly decent with a current 20th spot. Though I'm sure that'll become 40th-50th at the end of the tourney. Heh, there seems to be less whining and drama this year 'round, which has its ups (everyone's havin' fun) and downs (lack of community entertainment).

'kay, so now the job stuff. Holy hell, my experience has been terrible. I call classified ads, browse craigslist, and so forth. The people I call either don't want anything to do with me, or it's just some voice box which also don't want me either. The craigslist ads actually got me interviews. The interview was pretty bad but for some reason I belive to have a chance. So I follow up, and get something along the lines of "we haven't made a decision yet, we'll keep you updated." Fuck that! It's a freakin' part time job where I check inventory and move boxes! With this frustration, I decided to go back to the Alternate Youth Center for Employment, AYCE. It's not quite a job agency, but whatever, I guess it works the same. I don't want to work full time, but it seems I don't have a choice...

...which is a shame now that 2 of my former college classmates are following their ambition, something that I had before but no longer have it or the drive to follow through. Both of these classmates are starting their own games, which seem to be aiming to make a profit in the game industry. I don't know how much effort one is putting into their project, but the other said that while he aims to make a profit, he also says this'll be completed in the team's spare time. I guess I can't leave programming forever, no matter how limited and poor my skills are. Oh, and I have to sorta decide who to work for now that I won't have all this freedom. And there's always Phase 3 to think about.

Flow change! A few moments ago, I was reading some old posts from a blog regarding finance. Although I believe myself not caring too much about being wealthy, I found his stuff interesting. Going by the moniker of Rich E. Obscure, this person talks about being a millionare and his experiences. He's not rock-star or hollywood rich, but he's considered a millionare due to his net worth. And it's not just your salary that can make you wealthy, but it's how much you save and spend. I know in middle school, we were told to save at least 10% of our income, but it seems that the saving rate in America hovers around 0%. The 'advice' he offers such as living below your means seems very reasonable. I hope I don't end up in a bad financial situation in the future...

Fuck, this doesn't seem short at all. Guess I fail again!

I just don't have that drive!

Right, another month wasted. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Of course, I'd risk my life if it was worth risking. I'm not an entrepeneur or a gambler. I'm pretty sure I play it safe when it comes to my money or my life. Maybe too safe. Too bad that doesn't stop me from making dumbass decisions.

Let's take my first Playstation 2, for example. I got a PS2 and a copy of Soul Calibur 3 at the Scarborough Town Centre a few years ago. I played a few games, and soon after I decided to get it modded. Despite lacking 'street smarts', why in hell didn't I even try Pacific Mall or look for modders in my area? No, I decided to order a modchip (an inferior one, too) and try to install it myself. That's a good idea, attempting to solder a bunch of wires to a bunch of tiny little points with no prior experience. Needless to mention, I lost a couple of bills that day.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't like driving, or why it's never appealed to me. Number 1 probably being that I don't have anywhere to go, heh. But damn, there are a hell of a lot of rules and regulations to follow. Yeah, I'm sure it's all common sense, but there are bad decisions to be made on the road that can lead to seeing the lower end of the colour spectrum.

Taking a big risk on the road doesn't seem to yield a high reward if you're successful, either. With my PS2, I risked a couple of bills which could possibly give me access to any PS2 game without any further cost. On the road, you risk other people's lives, fines and jail time to yield saving a few moments on your travel time. That can't be worth it...

...heh. I don't know why I'm trying to write this entry as if it actually meant something. I don't like driving, that's all. Current gas prices suck, having to drive other people around if requested would be a pain in the ass, and maintaining a vehicle would just further the suckiness incurred by current gas prices. But since I got into driving school for free, I'm glad to have an opportunity to further increase my knowledge. I'd rather be taking a first aid course though, that'd be more practical and maybe more fun. Moving on.

My vacation (actually every day is currently a vacation until I yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip mum mum mum mum mum mum, get a job) to the OO-sah and back was enjoyable. We went down to Mount Rushmore and Yellowstone Park, then headed up to Alberta to spend some time in Banff. It's nice to see the vast terrain everywhere; it's not quite a small world after all. But WAH! I gained 5 pounds, despite going swimming in the hotels we stayed in. I guess doing front crawls back and forth and treading water until my I pulled a hammie ham wasn't enough.

I just lost my second PS2, which was modded by the awesome but now defunct Teammodders.com crew. The power jack seemed loose, which was caused by a cracked soldering joint. So, after a few hours of soldering from my brother, I don't have to worry about my PS2 cutting out during a pathetic failed attempt at FELM standard/difficult. And so, now you know why I wrote that lame paragraph about how my first PS2 died, nyah! Reminiscing about the bad old days is fun!

And yeah, I guess it's high time for me to man up and complete that Megaman Zero 100 point hard mode run. I keep tits-ing it up, either dying way too early and doing a practice run 'til the end of the game, or just flat ol' making an uncommon mistake right in the middle. I haven't yet gotten to the point where I've failed at the very end and proceed to either laugh, cry, break something, or a combination of the three. I guess that means I need another month.

And Soul Calibur 4 is out! And I got a copy! And the Toronto crowd is all hyped up! And...I'll probably just wuss out again! Even though I seem to be catching myself lurking at CaliburForum and 8WayRun for hours at a time reading up on strats, I don't see myself being involved in the community. Guess I just like the idea of how people discuss ideas and stuff to further advance their ability. Or something, I don't know. I'm a wierdo. Maybe I do want to get back in, but right now I can't even recall half the stuff I've read...

STGT 08 is going to start soon, too. I haven't played a shmup recently. I think my last one was Ikaruga, when I bought it over the XBLA marketplace. 30 or so hours yielded a paltry 13 million points in normal mode. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll rank past the last quarter of people. Maybe I should've re-joined the team I played for in 07, LDSTGT. Oh well, Team Free Agents 1 sounds much cooler. Perhaps I can convince the team to just lose the 1 and add an exclamation mark, 'cause exclamation marks make everything 10 times cooler! Just look at the first sentence of my previous paragraph! Heh...

Right, another month wasted. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...Eh, fuck it. That's my insignificant life and it's currently enjoyable for now.

Perpetual Cycle

Hah. Still an unemployed douchebag, and probably with less ambitions and ideals than I've ever had before. Taking that game design course IADT was a waste, and it drained more than 30K and time. It's too late to do anything about that now though, but it's not something that's easily forgotten. Even my former classmates have felt the sting; one is currently a bartender, although he is happily (at least I'd like to think so, heh) married.

With every passing day, I feel like I'm following the footsteps of my brother. He didn't get any work for a while in the beginning, but managed to find something and stick with it. I just need something steady and something I would enjoy, or anything part time so I only have to bear with working for a small amount of time. I don't think there's a job out there that I would enjoy, would be qualified to do, and where I could actually get past the interview process.

But whether it's full time or part, I would still have some time to myself. It's this portion of the day that I'm worried about. Even though I enjoy it a lot, being my favorite hobby and all, I can't spend all of my time on video games. Even with all my free time due to my lack of convincing people that they should hire me into their company that does whatever it does, I don't spend the entirety of the day on gaming.

I don't know why I feel this way. It's probably 'cause I know I'm wasting my life instead of working, so this need for creating something kicks in. That's probably why I wanted to do something like a full 100 point hard mode run in Megaman Zero in the first place. And yes, I know that's still gaming, but when I record for show it feels different, but whatever. That's beside the point.

More recently, I feel like coding a small Megaman-like game where you just fight bosses, maybe like Warning Forever but it'd probably just be against different bosses instead of a single evolving enemy. I'd code it using SDL I suppose. Maybe I'll get started on it soon, but I know that I'd never finish it since I lose interest in things fairly quickly...

If I don't get this telemarking job that my friend referred me to, I'll probably go with my parents on their vacation period to South Dakota. Maybe while on a roadtrip will I find a little clarity in this wasted existence I call my life. Heh, I doubt it though. Once I come back, I'm sure my life will resume its everlasting suckiness.

May your aim strike true!

At this very moment, there are hundreds of people rallying to ensure and preserve the concept that is net neutrality. For some reason, I felt like participating in this act of defending our rights, but I suppose natural laziness and lack of knowledge on the subject kicked in as usual. But forget me, people in Ottawa are trying to make the Canadian government listen to reason. The net cannot continue being controlled like this.

I've always read discussions about how ISPs do such and such things that go against the spirit of net neutrality. There are plenty of articles and videos that define, discuss and debate the issue from multiple points of view. But I believe this is the first strike where people physically gathered up to make a difference. Perhaps this was the last straw for TekSavvy, after it was revealed that Bell's throttling affected anyone on their lines regardless of the person's ISP. Well, I think it was TekSavvy that took the initiative since I saw it on their forum first before any news of the event popped up, but I'm sure many other people felt the same way already.

Just by glancing at the "Speakers for the Rally" section on the netneutralityrally.ca website, one can easily see the support for this concept. As long as the people's voices are being listened to and the supporters are present, it's quite possible to make a difference. Hopefully, if this is successful, our neighbor to the south will pick up on the news and make sure net neutrality thrives in their network. May your aim strike true...

On another note, dental surgery wasn't as bad as I thought. Yeah, it still blows but I didn't need to take any of those prescribed painkillers. I wonder why many people have ingrown wisdom teeth. Is there some sort of flaw in our current evolution that screws up our teeth? Heh, who knows.

The League of Unemployed D-Bags

Heh...after all this time, I still don't have a steady job. It's not like I haven't been trying, but maybe I haven't been trying hard enough. And, of course, I kinda don't want to work. I guess that partially explains why Office Space is a great movie despite the fact that I haven't really worked in a corporate setting such as the one depicted in the movie. I don't really have any dreams, so that could be considered equivalent to the main character's dream of doing nothing, heh. And although I don't 'need a million dollars to do nothing, man', I still need some source of income.

Every time I keep thinking about it, getting a career in the games industry just becomes less and less appealing. Even a recent thread on the shmups forum just strengthens the fact that it's still work and work sucks. Hell, someone posted that nearly verbatim. And being someone who lacks passion, I don't think getting a job in the industry would make me happier than that office job I just recently left. But, as long as I can put my 'skills' to use, I'll try to go for anything where I have more than a snowball's chance in hell to become employed.

It's funny, though. After attempting to have a Phase 3 meeting (which didn't go through twice), the people who showed up on the second date (aka not the head of the company) decided to go to a fellow IADT graduate's home. So we did, and just hung out for a while. After having a somewhat lighthearted discussion about our lack of jobs with the Phase 3 dudes, I asked the other two guys if they had jobs. One said they didn't, and the other said sort of, which is probably an on-call thing. It's at that point where I learned that we're just a bunch of unemployed schmoes just trying to get through our lives.

Should society look down on us? Probably. Should we feel horrible about ourselves because we're not doing much with our lives? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But do I feel horrible that society is probably looking down at me for doing nothing with my life? Nah. I'm more worried that I'm letting my parents down, especially when they paid for my entire college tuition. But other than that, I don't care if my jobless waste of flesh is being looked down upon. I just wish I could accomplish something with all this free time.

I worked on video game stuff at first. I tried recording a full run of IWBTG on impossible mode, but the recording threw off the game speed a little too much for me. Well, that and I sucked. I also went back to playing Guwange to see if I ever had a chance at counter stopping it. No luck there; I can't even break my old score of 10 million. I considered doing a full 100 point run of Megaman Zero but for some reason it doesn't seem appealing anymore. At the very least, I managed to complete my Megaman X5 run that obtains the MMH/MEH rank for both X and Zero.

Since then, I've turned to musical stuff. I've tried playing a few things by ear, but I haven't been too successful with that. I don't even know if I could reproduce the bass line, let alone create a suitable harmony. If I'm successful though, I might just create a piano-arranged version of Ashes to Ashes from the Super Robot Wars Original Generation games. Though, I don't think that has a remote chance of happening.

Speaking of which, I've been highly addicted to those games. I've played through the first SRW:OG game twice, and I'm currently on my second play through of SRW:OG2. It's amazing how much time flew by. Such is the life of an unemployed douche bag, heh. Maybe I should do a little programming in the meantime as well. After all, I'm the coder for Phase 3. But I have very little motivation that is stemming from a lack of communication and, recently, the cancellation of those two meetings on the same week.

And as long's I'm talking about games, I might as well mention the North American instagib League, NAiL. ES was quite inactive and more or less dead at the time, so I left and joined up with EoM. With them, we managed to win one match against KEA. Being an instagib league, I didn't take it too seriously. But it was there, so I signed up and played. Veni, vidi, I got my ass handed to me as expected. Well, I don't know if I'll ever be as active in Quake 2 as before, which isn't saying I was playing a lot anyway, more like spectating on the servers 'cause I'm too much of a pansy to actually play.