Perpetual Cycle

Hah. Still an unemployed douchebag, and probably with less ambitions and ideals than I've ever had before. Taking that game design course IADT was a waste, and it drained more than 30K and time. It's too late to do anything about that now though, but it's not something that's easily forgotten. Even my former classmates have felt the sting; one is currently a bartender, although he is happily (at least I'd like to think so, heh) married.

With every passing day, I feel like I'm following the footsteps of my brother. He didn't get any work for a while in the beginning, but managed to find something and stick with it. I just need something steady and something I would enjoy, or anything part time so I only have to bear with working for a small amount of time. I don't think there's a job out there that I would enjoy, would be qualified to do, and where I could actually get past the interview process.

But whether it's full time or part, I would still have some time to myself. It's this portion of the day that I'm worried about. Even though I enjoy it a lot, being my favorite hobby and all, I can't spend all of my time on video games. Even with all my free time due to my lack of convincing people that they should hire me into their company that does whatever it does, I don't spend the entirety of the day on gaming.

I don't know why I feel this way. It's probably 'cause I know I'm wasting my life instead of working, so this need for creating something kicks in. That's probably why I wanted to do something like a full 100 point hard mode run in Megaman Zero in the first place. And yes, I know that's still gaming, but when I record for show it feels different, but whatever. That's beside the point.

More recently, I feel like coding a small Megaman-like game where you just fight bosses, maybe like Warning Forever but it'd probably just be against different bosses instead of a single evolving enemy. I'd code it using SDL I suppose. Maybe I'll get started on it soon, but I know that I'd never finish it since I lose interest in things fairly quickly...

If I don't get this telemarking job that my friend referred me to, I'll probably go with my parents on their vacation period to South Dakota. Maybe while on a roadtrip will I find a little clarity in this wasted existence I call my life. Heh, I doubt it though. Once I come back, I'm sure my life will resume its everlasting suckiness.