Determination...my will wanes under pressure. My drive is fleeting...

If it were only a few years in the past from now, I would be dreading the end of my summer break and the beginning of another school year. Heh, although for a slacker like me though, my free time doesn't end with the break. But I didn't really improve myself in those years with the experiences I had. I probably shouldn't be calling them experiences anyway, more like observations. Anyway...

Into the here and now. Summer break is nearing the end for most people. Not that I've realized it just now, but taking note of this little detail reminds me of how poorly I spend my time. Well, I know that perhaps one does not need to spend every moment improving one's self but I know I should be improving my current situation. And this is right about where that crappy opening paragraph setting the atmosphere about school kicks in. Sort of.

After my horrendous experience with that lame school that shan't be spoken of in this blog entry and failing to start a career, going to a 'real' school would seem to be one of my more desired options. But it didn't really catch on, as I did not feel like my chosen field, or any field at all, was interesting to pursue. And I wasn't competent, of course. Besides that, I still can't decide whether school is the right action to take.

I sized up this option as best I could and came to a few concluding thoughts, mainly about how determined I am to see to the end whatever I decide to major in. I know I'd definitely improve myself by going to school, but I feel that, given enough will and determination, I should be able to reach a satisfactory skill level in anything without the aid of school. That's when I made the decision that I'll only go back to school if I ever lose the drive for learning, for improving upon myself.

I can try and dabble in a few things at first, and then go all out if I feel the desire to reach a certain level. Like right now, I'm trying to learn to play another song on the piano, the Ruins theme from Brandish, a Nihon Falcom game. Maybe I'll learn more music theory if I feel up to the task. I might also try my hand again at drawn, and I need to improve other 'practical' skills such as cooking. It's embarrassing to have burned a side of steak...

But I also need to think about whether I want to start a career. Working at Best Buy is decent, especially since I don't really care about money. I know it isn't too fulfilling work and I sometimes feel I should carve a future for myself elsewhere. A career doesn't sound enticing to me however, as my interests seem to wane and wax with the moon. Of course, the only consistent thing throughout my life would have to be video games.

Well, maybe tournaments have the most potential to bring out the most in me. I have to take advantage and try to gain something, right now I don't think I'm doing all I can to improve. There's going to be a tourney in SF4 and KoFXII in Mississauga tomorrow (G3Evolution's Infinity HYPE I, get hype dammit!). I definitely did not train properly, and I still don't have my name out there in the Toronto community in the least bit. And then on Monday is the Shmup forums' yearly STGT, Shooting Game Tournament. Can't wait for that! I just need to get some drive...